THUGS Among Us!

Who are these THUGS?

Over the last 12 months I've heard the adjective "thug" used more and more.  I hadn't really heard the word much since college or maybe even high school (more than 20 years ago).

The word re-entered my life when I heard people using this word to describe Trayvon Martin, which angered me.  I found myself drawn into an argument with a stranger on a mutual friend's Facebook post.  We battled over this.  I finally asked him to define "thug."  After receiving his definition, I bidded him farewell.

This man shared that Trayvon was a thug because he, a 17-year-old boy, had videos of fighting on his phone, referenced pot on his social page, and had been suspended from school. WOW!  That makes him a thug?  I shook my head literally.  I was wasting my time.  There is no way for me to win this argument if that's the basis of his perspective.

So I went to Dictionary.com to see a somewhat official definition.

"Thug:  a cruel or vicious ruffian, robber, or murderer."

The World English Dictionary defines it as

"a tough, violent man esp a criminal."

At its origin, it was used to describe a person who was part of a gang that robbed or murdered people.

So Zimmerman, the person with a gun who followed, chased, confronted, shot and killed the boy, was a good person, but the boy was the thug.  I give up.

Now, months later, there's a new Thug in town, or so they say.

Enter Mr. Richard Sherman.  This one really, really has me scratching my head.

This time we have a grown, educated man being called a thug because his adrenaline was at 100% after making a game winning play in one of the most physical, professional games in our country.  The argument this time... he yelled at the camera when a reporter stuck a microphone in his face seconds after the play.  An otherwise very articulate guy raised his voice about the opponent that he had just defeated one-on-one.  WOW!

Here's my sarcasm... to ensure that you don't miss it...  Who cares how articulate he is; who cares that he graduated at the top of his high school class; who cares that he earned two degrees from one of the top colleges in the country with an A average; the fact remains that he raised his voice and yelled... HE IS A THUG.  End sarcasm.

What in the world is going on here?  Why are people all of a sudden obsessed with using this word?  I don't like it.  I don't like it at all! Surely I'm not the only person with access to the definition.

Maybe there is some truth to what Mr. Sherman stated in his response.  Maybe the word "thug" is a replacement for another word that we are not supposed to use... in public, out loud.  I mean really, Mr. Martin and Mr. Sherman really only have one thing in common.  Hmmm.

As much as this would be a great opportunity to play that "card" I refuse.  But I will say, STOP IT!

20 Degree People

Even though I live in Alabama, I know that 20 degree weather is extremely cold!  I really and truly don't like cold weather at all.  As a matter of fact I hate it.

But no matter how much I pout, scream, cry or yell about how cold 20 degree weather is... it won't warm it up.  I can complain until the cows come home--as we say in the south--but it won't change a thing.  It will still be cold and I still won't like it.

The same can be said with people.  There are some people that I really and truly don't like.  Maybe they are cold, maybe they stay hot.  For whatever reason, I have the hardest time being around them and/or dealing with them... Period.

But I can't change them.  And the sooner I accept the fact that I can't change someone else, the better.

What I can change.... is me.  Well, I won't change either, but I know that better results will start with me.

For example, I know that the 20 degree weather is cold.  I know I don't like it.  But if I must go into it, I can choose to wear a heavier coat.  I can wear two coats if necessary.  I can grab a scarf, add a hat and some gloves, and now... the 20 degree weather isn't as bad as it could be.  I've protected myself from it to a point that I feel like I'm in 60 degree weather.  I can tolerate 60 degree weather with ease.  Note:  It is still 20 degrees.

So how does this work with people that you must be around, no matter how much you think it kills you?

With some people, you need to have tougher skin.  Don't let the smallest statement cause you to explode.  Sometimes, their issue really isn't your issue.  Sometimes their issue has absolutely nothing to do with you, but with something else that's going in their lives.  Tell yourself, "Self... do not let this person ruin your day!"  Then try not to engage.

With other people, you might need to have thinner skin.  Don't let them continuously and routinely run all over you.  Speak up!  Acknowledge "out loud" that they have some issues that you are not going to put up with any longer.  Ask them, "What is the real problem?" so you can figure out how to nip it in the bud... if the issue is truly with you.  You may learn, through open conversation, that the issue is minor enough to fix.  Or the conversation may help them to realize that they need to chill out.  Pun intended.

There... now you have somewhat "warmed" the air.  It might not be perfect, and it still may be cold, but it's at least tolerable.

So the next time you know you have to encounter those people that have your body shaking, fingers numb, nose runny, ears red, and eyes watery... remember to properly dress your mind to deal with it.

20 degree weather is 20 degree weather.  And that's COLD.  You can't change it.  But you can change how you weather it.

BUTTON UP!

You Can't Handle The Truth!

It's AMAZING how many people will actually ask questions to dig for answers that they know they really don't want to know--seeking answers that they know they can't handle. 

You know those questions...

- Am I your first?
- Have you ever cheated on me?
- How many men have you had sex with?
- Where do you know her from?
- Do you still care about her?
- Is he bigger than me?
- Is she prettier than me?
- Do you ever think about them?

So why do we ask?  I think it's because we want confirmation.  I'm one that typically does not want to know.  I would rather not know anything that's going to make me sad, mad, angry or change my life for the worst.  I remember asking an ex for the details of his affair.  I don't know why I wanted the details, but I did.  I wanted every second of it!  Why?  I still don't know.  But I've learned since then.  I don't want to know!

And if asked, will we tell the truth?  Most, when confronted with one of the weird questions above, will simply lie.  Most will lie because we don't think the person asking will be able to handle it.  If I tell the truth, will you leave me?  Will you hate me?  Will we be able to continue our relationship the way it's been?  What if I just avoid answering in order to avoid lying?

This blog is not about the lies though.  This blog is about the truth.

When we discussed this topic on the Talking Out Loud Show, a caller provided some great insight. He said the question that should be asked is not whether we or someone else can handle the truth, but the consequences of that truth. 

THAT is what provokes many people to lie in the first place.  The inability to handle the consequences of the truth... what's going to happen next?

So it's my humble opinion that most people can NOT handle it... especially to those questions asked above.  Now if you're asking whether a child you've raised for 18 years is yours... that's a question that should be answered, whether you can handle it or not.  The consequences will be horrible IF the answer is negative.  But there are some questions that really, REALLY should be "passed" on.

For me, I won't ask silly questions because I really don't want the truth to questions that have nothing to do with me like "what does she mean to you?"  And if I'm asked a silly question that I don't think the inquirer can handle, I "pass" and move on.

Blind Faith: Politics and Religion

There is a reason it's inappropriate to discuss religion and politics in public... because most will fight to a bloody death in defending their beliefs.  Even when they aren't really sure what they believe and are simply smitten by the one who delivered it.


IN GOD WE TRUST!


Whether it's religion or politics... Man (and women) can win the trust of mankind by kissing babies, standing for a cause and delivering a heartfelt message with passion.  In politics, it's seemingly okay because the man tells you that he wants your vote.  But in church, no matter how hard we try, it's very difficult to separate the message from a charismatic messenger.  Jim Jones lead hundreds of "followers" to their deaths... killing their babies along with them. 


What is this blind faith in man?  What is wrong with us?  Even the Bible teaches us to ONLY trust in God and NEVER trust in man.  Why is it so difficult? 


Most people need and want to believe in something tangible.  Something or someone, they can see, hear, smell and touch.  A message alone is just not enough no matter how "on point" it is.  We need and desire the messenger that can bring the message to life in such a way that we feel it's personally ours.  Whether it's a message of equality, change, prosperity, hope or salvation... we fall for the deliverer because he (or she) delivered it the way we needed to hear it.


But let's recognize that the messenger is just that... a human messenger.  And 9 times out of 10, is someone that has an agenda that has nothing to do with you.  Whether it is to be elected president the most dominate country of the world or to have the largest church in America with a membership spread around the world. 


I am in no way shape or form suggesting to abandon all of your favorite, articulate leaders.  Nor am I saying to never listen and/or believe the words of an eloquent messenger.  But I am saying, be aware that these people are humans, not Christ.  No one walking among us is perfect.  NO ONE.


So should you learn that the person you admire most in this world--from Martin Luther King to Tupac to Sarah Palin-- may have actually done some things in THEIR lives, that had nothing to do with you, that goes against everything you believed them to be... don't posse up and lynch everyone else simply because YOU feel betrayed.  We learned after the Jim Jones massacre that he was an abusive sexual pervert, who slept with and raped the women and daughters of his church membership.  Sadly, there were many around him who knew it, but drank the poison for HIM anyway.


Don't blindly put all of your faith in ANY imperfect human being.  Only Christ was perfect. Keep your eyes open!  Learn to separate the message from the "current" messenger. 


IN GOD ONLY, SHOULD WE TRUST!!

Dysfunctional Love

Many women, and some men, live in a marriage that's full of fear and hate. 

Here's one woman's dilemma:

Imagine living in a house were you could do nothing right.  No matter what you do, your flaws are found, exposed, and highlighted.  Every meal is critiqued--overcooked, undercooked, too much seasoning, not enough seasoning.  The house is never spotless enough, and if it is, the vacuuming is in the wrong direction--it should be done East to West, not North to South. And heaven forbid there be dust under the refrigerator.  Then when you finally proclaim that you are doing the best you can, you're told that your best just isn't good enough.

And what about when it bleeds to your children?  Where the one that's not perfect as the others is labeled and called "slow, stupid, dumb, and ignorant."  Imagine hearing from the father of your child, "I hate that one."

Imagine living in a house where you are expected to split the bills down the middle, regardless of the fact that your spouse makes four times more than you, and that you are the primary care giver to your children.  So you work overtime to help accommodate the demand, only to be told that you now neglect the children.  So you cut back on working, only to be told you are not making enough money and you're burden to the family.

Imagine living in a house where there is no intimacy.  You have to ask for a kiss and get permission to get a hug, only to be told... "hug your children."  You decide that you should be allowed a hug so you try to take one, only to be pushed away and told "don't touch me."  You try to hold hands in public and are asked "why are you holding my hand."  You even try to cuddle or sit on a his lap and are told, at 125 lbs, "you are too heavy, get off me." Yet at bedtime, with no fondling, no kissing, no foreplay what so ever, you are expected to perform--dry--and act like you love it--almost every night.  And if you say no, you are verbally abused about how horrible you are as a mother and spouse.  So you avoid the abuse by having sex or looking for reasons to not go to bed before he's gone asleep.  Only to hear "you kept me waiting" the next morning.

Imagine that you are finally fed up.  You are ready to go.  You are ready to risk your children's security and seemingly loving family infrastructure, but you can't go.  Because your spouse has taken your car keys... because he made those car payments, not you.  So you stay for 10 more years of the same, hoping that eventually it will get better.

What would your mindset be if you lived in this situation?

Road Trip with a Husband

First, let me preface what I am about to say with this...

As someone who is an avid student of understanding personalities and temperaments, I'll be the first to say that there's no such thing as gender-based behaviors (i.e. only men do this and only women do that)...

UNTIL… we get on the road. Then a weird thing happens with men and directions. I'm going to step out on a limb and say that it’s not a Man thing, but rather a Husband thing.

I understand the “macho” part of not wanting to stop to ask for directions, really, I get that.

But how about allowing your wife to assist? Some husbands will actually trust a GPS over a WWM (wife with map).

Here’s what my unscientific and unmerited research on “Road Trips with Your Spouse” has concluded:

During the first five years of marriage, the wife may kindly ask “wasn’t that our turn you just passed?” followed by lots of “let’s just stop to ask someone.” We all know that a husband won’t admit that he just missed the turn and might respond with “I know where I am.” We also know that he won’t stop for directions for at least an hour, regardless of how much his wife fidgets and sighs. Besides, this could have all been avoided if she had of told him sooner.

During the second five years of marriage, the wife may nastily say “you missed the darn turn, I told you it was coming up!” This may be followed by lots of “just stop the car to ask someone, before you have us out here all night!” Now, we all know that it’s the wife’s fault. She told him the turn was coming up too early. Who cares that she was trying to give him plenty of warning, so that the kids in the back seat don’t fly out the window when he tries to turn on a dime on the freeway. We also know that this time, he was actually planning to stop to ask for directions, this time. But now that she has a nasty attitude, he’s not going to… no matter how much she stares up-side his head with piercing eyes.

Now after ten years of marriage, the husband will be lucky if she says “turn”…just as he approaches his exit. For some husbands, this works (because they don’t want their wives to use lots of words anyway). But if he’s unlucky, she might not say anything at all. She just sits there carefree and content, reading her book, or working a puzzle, or starring out of the window.

He really starts to get concerned now, because he knows he doesn’t have a clue where he is, but she still says nothing…no sighing, no mean looks, nothing. So he breaks down and asks “do you think I missed my turn?” She shrugs her shoulders, as if she doesn’t care. Before long, he’s asking “do you think I should stop and ask?” and she shrugs her shoulders again.

See, in her mind, he was going to get lost at some point on this trip anyway. And we all know it will still be her fault. But she’s been with him long enough to know—just like at the house—he’s going to ask for help eventually.

The moral of the story…

For husbands, God gave you a wife to be your help mate…let her do what she was given to you to do.

For wives, if you’ve been married less than ten years, save your breath, bring books, and enjoy the ride.

PS...We're going into our 15th year of marriage... I don't know what happens then... I'm guessing we ride in two cars and he just follows me there! LOL LOL LOL