Friday, September 10, 2010

Dysfunctional Love

Many women, and some men, live in a marriage that's full of fear and hate. 

Here's one woman's dilemma:

Imagine living in a house were you could do nothing right.  No matter what you do, your flaws are found, exposed, and highlighted.  Every meal is critiqued--overcooked, undercooked, too much seasoning, not enough seasoning.  The house is never spotless enough, and if it is, the vacuuming is in the wrong direction--it should be done East to West, not North to South. And heaven forbid there be dust under the refrigerator.  Then when you finally proclaim that you are doing the best you can, you're told that your best just isn't good enough.

And what about when it bleeds to your children?  Where the one that's not perfect as the others is labeled and called "slow, stupid, dumb, and ignorant."  Imagine hearing from the father of your child, "I hate that one."

Imagine living in a house where you are expected to split the bills down the middle, regardless of the fact that your spouse makes four times more than you, and that you are the primary care giver to your children.  So you work overtime to help accommodate the demand, only to be told that you now neglect the children.  So you cut back on working, only to be told you are not making enough money and you're burden to the family.

Imagine living in a house where there is no intimacy.  You have to ask for a kiss and get permission to get a hug, only to be told... "hug your children."  You decide that you should be allowed a hug so you try to take one, only to be pushed away and told "don't touch me."  You try to hold hands in public and are asked "why are you holding my hand."  You even try to cuddle or sit on a his lap and are told, at 125 lbs, "you are too heavy, get off me." Yet at bedtime, with no fondling, no kissing, no foreplay what so ever, you are expected to perform--dry--and act like you love it--almost every night.  And if you say no, you are verbally abused about how horrible you are as a mother and spouse.  So you avoid the abuse by having sex or looking for reasons to not go to bed before he's gone asleep.  Only to hear "you kept me waiting" the next morning.

Imagine that you are finally fed up.  You are ready to go.  You are ready to risk your children's security and seemingly loving family infrastructure, but you can't go.  Because your spouse has taken your car keys... because he made those car payments, not you.  So you stay for 10 more years of the same, hoping that eventually it will get better.

What would your mindset be if you lived in this situation?

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